


These last few seconds with you

by DoorChan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Boys Kissing, Demon Prince Oikawa Tooru, Depression, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I say that it shows gore but its really just descriptive language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Knight Iwaizumi Hajime, M/M, Metaphors for anxiety, Only kissing tho, Rated T for language, Sad, Unhappy Ending, don't read if you don't like angst, really sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29711493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoorChan/pseuds/DoorChan
Summary: Sometimes he wished on the shooting stars that blazed through the sky, illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. That was on nights when he couldn’t hold in his pain, couldn’t hide his tears behind the mask that he wore. When the broken shards of his heart bubbled from his eyes and dripped from his chin, when the words carved into his back would sear into his brain like white-hot metal, when the string was too tight, he would wish for someone to save him, for it all to end.Because he couldn’t keep going like this.Usually, though, he would look as the stars burned past, knowing that their magic wasn’t for him. He would watch, eyes dimming, a small, sad smile sketched onto his lips as they fell from the sky, going down in a fiery inferno of forgotten wishes and broken hope.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic idea would not stop bugging me until I wrote it... I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Some songs I would recommend while reading this fic (these songs would be used throughout the entire thing and not just this chapter, so some of them may not fit in certain scenes. Also there's a crap ton of MCR):  
> The World Is Ugly by My Chemical Romance  
> The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance  
> Burn Bright by My Chemical Romance  
> Summertime by My Chemical Romance  
> The Kids From Yesterday by My Chemical Romance  
> Desert Song by My Chemical Romance  
> King and Lionheart by Of Monsters And Men  
> Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol  
> Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

The fall air was brisk and cool, the wind nipping at Oikawa’s ankles as he skipped happily through the forest. The leaves around him had captured the colors of the sunset and were dancing together in the wind, a waltz of orange and yellow and red. They crunched satisfyingly underneath his feet.

Oikawa, age six, had never left the confines of his castle alone before now. His heart thudded happily in his chest when he thought of it, and excitement tingled in his fingertips like lightning. The breeze bit at his pink nose, ruddying his cheeks.

He weaved through the trees, wandering away from the sandy trail and treading through the bushes, leaves tickling his feet. He strayed far from the dark, twisting castle, it’s grip weakening the farther he got, until he could no longer feel the watching spires behind him. The gaze of the castle fell away, and the dark forest started to get lighter. Sunlight filtered through the treetops, the sky reaching down to him, its gaze caressing his pale skin. Animals skittered around his feet, freezing at the sight of him before running away, their eyes wide and glittering.

Oikawa started humming to himself, arms spread out wide as he balanced on a fallen log, feet crumbling the bark to dust. He bit his lip, focusing intently on staying upright. His teeth were too pointy for his soft skin, and when they started to dig into his flesh too far, he quickly relieved the pressure.

He jumped off the log, landing in a swirling cloud of dust and leaves that made his eyes water and his cheeks sting. He brushed the dirt from his arms, rubbed his eyes, and continued on his way, still humming to himself merrily.

Nothing could dim Oikawa’s excitement. He had always loved the forest, the way that the trees loomed over him protectively, their branches whispering secrets to the wind. He loved the delightful noise the fallen leaves made underneath his feet, their colors blending together like paint. The way the sun gazed down at him, caressing his skin with her pleasant rays. How the bright blue sky fell away behind the mountains, and his fingers itched at the idea of finding the edge.

He had never been out this far before. It was delightful.

Oikawa stumbled into a clearing, a smile wide on his face. There wasn’t much in the barren area, just a log and a little boy. He gasped excitedly, his shoulders tensing. He hadn’t played with other kids before! He had always stayed in his room, locked away from the village, from the sun, from the stars that twinkled brightly in the sky at night. He took a step forward, but the other boy shushed him, tightening his grip on some kind of net.

Oh. He had completely overlooked the delicate fairy at the edge of the trees. She floated lazily in the air, her bright colors bleeding away from her clothes and hanging in the air beside her. She was beautiful.

Oikawa sucked in a breath and grinned, sneaking beside the boy to watch. The other boy took a quiet step forward, lifting the net slowly as he crept up on the fairy. The net came whistling down, and in a bright flash, he captured the fairy in a prison of rope. Oikawa squealed, rushing toward the fairy and peering at it, his eyes wide and alight with wonder. It shied away from him, shrieking.

The other boy didn’t notice the fairy’s reaction and beamed proudly.

“I finally caught one! Oh boy, I can’t wait to tell my mom!” Oikawa looked up at him, eyes shining.

“She’s so pretty! I’ve never seen a fairy like this before!” The other boy grinned at him smugly, lifting the net to his face so he could see the creature closely.

“Yeah! She’s so cool! I’ve caught beetles and fireflies before, but never a fairy!” Oikawa giggled and took another step closer.

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Iwaizumi Hajime. What’s yours? I don’t think I’ve seen you in my village before.”

“I’m Oikawa Tooru, the Demon Prince!” Iwaizumi looked confused for a moment, and he tipped his head, eyes narrowed. After a second, he brightened and took a step forward.

“Oh, we’re playing a game? Ok, I’m a knight of Southpass, and I’m gonna kill the Demon Prince for once and for all!” He leaned down and grasped a branch in his small, grubby hands, and Oikawa brandished one of his own, squealing as he leapt forward, weapon outstretched.

Iwaizumi batted his stick away, leaping to the side. Oikawa dodged his attack and poked him in the side. Iwaizumi threw his stick to the ground and barrelled into Oikawa, and they tumbled to the ground, sword-fight forgotten.

“I’ll get you!”

“You’ll never win, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa batted at Iwaizumi, struggling to get back to his feet, but Iwaizumi wrestled him back down to the ground. He pinned him down by his shoulders and brandished his makeshift sword, a huge, lopsided grin eating up half of his face, his eyes shining brighter than the fairy that had long since escaped from the net.

“I have you now! Choose your words wisely, for they will be your last!” Oikawa frowned up at him, scrunching his nose. Iwaizumi waited patiently for him to say something. Instead of words, Oikawa smirked, his eyes glittering.

He brought his fingers to Iwaizumi’s sides, brushing them lightly across his skin. Iwaizumi howled, jerking away from a smug Oikawa, who quickly sprang up to his feet.

“Tickling is cheating!” Oikawa laughed, the clear sound ringing out across the clearing. Iwaizumi flushed and ran back to grab his stick.

They played for about an hour before they tired out, their supplies of energy completely worn down. They lay on the log, panting and gazing up at the shining blue sky. Oikawa couldn’t recall it being this bright before, but that could be because of how much fun he was having. Iwaizumi sighed, closing his eyelids halfway as he stared at the clear azure expanse. Oikawa tilted his head so he was facing him. 

Iwaizumi’s short, spiky hair had become a mess, and leaves were entangled in a few of the strands. His cheeks were flushed, and his nose was pink, his breath whistling from his lungs and into the air. His half-closed eyes were sparkling, and a grin played happily on his lips.

Oikawa turned back to the sky, smiling to himself. No clouds hung in the air above them, and the sun shone brightly without any hindrance. The sky grazed Oikawa’s skin, ruffling his hair with it’s gentle breeze. He had never felt so alive. This was better than being cooped up in the castle, way better. How had he gone so long without the loving gaze of the sun, the brush of leaves on his skin, the stars in his eyes?

“What are those things on your head?” Oikawa turned back over to Iwaizumi, a grin sketched on his lips.

“Horns.”

“Cool. Can I touch them?” Oikawa giggled, sitting up to scoot closer to Iwaizumi.

“Sure.” He could feel Iwaizumi’s rough fingertips on his horns a moment later, running his hand across the bumps and dipping his fingers into the crevices. Oikawa snickered.

“That tickles!”

“Oh, sorry.” Iwaizumi’s hand pulled away hesitantly, his arm still half extended.

“Why are they so big?”

“I still need to grow into them. They won’t look as big as I get older.”

“Oh, that’s cool. Are all your teeth that sharp?” Oikawa laughed lightly, showing his teeth for Iwaizumi to see. Nobody he had ever interacted with had been so interested in him! Then again, everyone he had seen had horns and sharp teeth just like him.

“Wow, they look like a shark’s!” Oikawa gasped, eyes sparkling.

“I guess they do!” he squealed. Iwaizumi pulled away, giggling. For a moment, the only other sound was the rustling of the leaves, laughing along with them. Iwaizumi’s questions didn’t seem to be over, though.

“Why are your nails black?” Oikawa looked down at his fingers, gazing at the sharp, dark nails. They were so black that they seemed to suck in some of the light around him, desperately trying to lighten their inky hue.

“Huh. I don’t know. They’ve always been this way.” Iwaizumi shrugged, taking his hand to peer at his fingers.

“They’re cool.” Oikawa grinned toothily, wiggling his fingers. Iwaizumi let out a breathy laugh, dropping his wrist and leaning his head on Oikawa’s shoulder. The two sat there for a moment, watching as the leaves rustled together in a stunning dance of color. If Oikawa had been looking out of his window, he would have been quickly bored. But Iwaizumi was here, beside him, and it was better observing the scenery with a friend.

The word ‘friend’ sent chills down Oikawa’s spine. It was such a new feeling, to have someone beside him, and Oikawa wished he never had to go home.

Home. He forgot all about going back home.

A wave of panic rushed through him, and he jolted forward, turning to Iwaizumi.

“I have to go. I need to be home soon.”

“You can’t stay a little longer?” Iwaizumi whined, hopping off the log.

“Sorry, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi frowned and looked at the ground, disappointment washing over his features.

“Okay. Can you come here tomorrow?” Oikawa brightened, grinning.

“Yes!” Oikawa leapt forward for a hug, and Iwaizumi took a step back, trying to back out of Oikawa’s grasp.

“Get off me.”

“Make me.” So Iwaizumi shoved him off, grinning. Oikawa smiled back before turning around and bounding off into the woods, yelling ‘goodbye’ as he went.

Oikawa met him there the next day. Iwaizumi had brought his bug net, and they set off into the woods to capture insects, and hopefully, fairies.

“If we get a fairy, we’ll let it go, like we did last time. If we get a bug, we can keep it.” Oikawa nodded, grinning widely.

That was the day that Oikawa realized he was deathly afraid of bugs.

Iwaizumi laughed as Oikawa screeched at a beetle that had crawled onto his boot, the sound rolling and echoing off the trees like a wounded animal’s cry. Oikawa glared at him, tears sprouting in his eyes.

“Iwa-chan! Get it off!” he whimpered, and Iwaizumi scooped it up in his net, smirking at the cowering boy. Oikawa could feel his accelerated heart rate through his clothes, and his fingers trembled as he checked to see if anymore undesirable insects had crawled onto him.

“You scream like a pixie with her hair on fire!” He glared bitterly at Iwaizumi, his nostrils flaring.

“I do not!” Oikawa’s voice rang with indignance, and he crossed his arms, sticking his lower lips out in a pout. Iwaizumi shook his head, rolling his eyes dramatically, as if he had practiced it in the mirror that morning.

Once the day was over, they had collected seven jars filled with insects, and Iwaizumi was proud to say that he had caught them all. All Oikawa had done was yell at beetles and chase away a fairy.

The next day they wanted to explore the woods. Iwaizumi was in the lead, as he was faster than Oikawa, who skipped right behind him. The sunlight filtered through the foliage, turning the light different shades of red and orange. It reflected in Oikawa’s eyes, turning his irises the color of a brilliant sunset.

Iwaizumi stopped walking abruptly, and Oikawa ran into his back. After taking a step back, he peered over his shoulder to see what the other boy was looking at.

Between the trees, a purple fairy danced, flashing violet as it swayed in the air lazily, it’s wings huge and misty behind it. Oikawa gasped, taking a cautious step forward. Iwaizumi beat him to the fairy, creeping up to it slowly. It glanced at the boy, fluttering a little closer before floating around Iwaizumi’s hair. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened in awe.

Oikawa slowly stepped up to them, holding a hand out for the fairy. He felt longing in his chest, and he wished to see the fairy in his palm, dancing around his fingertips. It floated closer to him, locking their eyes. Silence hung in the air as it stayed completely still, gazing at him intently.

The fairy jerked away from him wildly, darting away from him in a flash of color. Oikawa frowned and looked at his feet, disappointment ringing in his ears.

“What did you do to scare it?”

“I don’t know. Where I live, fairies really like me. They aren’t as bright as those ones, though. They’re darker colors, and a little meaner.” Iwaizumi looked confused, but Oikawa just shrugged.

“Well, I wanna find another one.” Oikawa nodded, grinning. They kept going, weaving through the trees, their feet stepping on dried leaves as they made their way through the forest. It was only a matter of minutes before they came across a yellow fairy.

As soon as it saw them, though, it started flying away. Oikawa’s heart dropped in his chest, and he clenched his hands into frustrated fists. He shot a glance at Iwaizumi before darting after the fairy, running through the leaves and barrelling through bushes. The leaves whipped at his ankles, and his breath hung in the air after every exhale that had clawed its way out of his chest.

“Oikawa! Where are you going?” The yellow flickered in and out of his vision, and he sped up, desperately chasing the fairy. He was gaining on it, the distance between him and the fairy closing rapidly. Arms outstretched, he leapt, ready to grasp the reward for his chase.

The fairy dodged nimbly from his fingertips, and he plummeted. Oikawa hadn’t noticed a steep ditch before him while he was running, and his foot slipped on loose gravel. He tumbled down, down, down, crying out as sharp knives of pain shot through his nerves. The ground reached up for him, and he connected with it, the breath knocked out of his chest.

Oikawa’s throat closed, and he struggled to breathe. Tears welled in his eyes, hanging on his dark lashes for a moment before spilling out over his cheeks. His knee felt like it was on fire.

His lungs finally wore the shock away, and he gasped for air, ugly sobs choking out of his throat. He turned to his leg, stomach churning.

His leg was sprawled out in an awkward angle before him, twisted at the knee. Tendrils of white-hot fire crawled through his veins, and a wail escaped his lips. The sky above him turned, the sun suddenly too hot, too bright. He wanted to get away.

“Oikawa? Where are you?” a scared voice called out, and Oikawa could only answer with a sharp cry. Panic twisted in his chest, and his fingertips buzzed unpleasantly. Iwaizumi looked down into the ditch, his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

“Oh my god! Oikawa, are you okay?” Oikawa rubbed at his eyes, bawling. Iwaizumi started to inch down the ditch, careful not to fall in himself. When he reached the bottom, Oikawa heard a gasp escape his throat.

“It’ll be alright, I’ll get you back to my mom and she can fix you right up, there's no need to worry…” Iwaizumi rambled, lower lip trembling. He looked back up at the trail, and Oikawa felt a wave of terror wash through him. He gripped at Iwaizumi’s shirt, nails biting through the cloth.

“Don’t leave me here!” he begged, tears still slipping from his eyes. “I don’t want to be alone!”

Iwaizumi fixed his glittering eyes on Oikawa, biting his lip.

“I wasn’t going to. I’m trying to figure out how I can get you up the ditch. Can you get on my back?” Oikawa shrugged, wiping his nose. Iwaizumi bent down, and he set his shaky hands on his shoulders.

The sky glared down at them as Iwaizumi struggled up the ditch, his breath hissing through his clenched teeth. Oikawa hung on tight, scared to loosen his grip.

Iwaizumi finally crawled up, collapsing on the ground. They lay there, panting, and Oikawa wished he hadn’t gone after the fairy. It wasn’t worth it. He should have just let it fly away. After a few minutes, Iwaizumi lifted Oikawa back up onto his back and started the long trek home.

The sun beat down onto Oikawa’s back, and the rough movement underneath him stabbed needles into his leg, and he struggled not to whimper. He could hear Iwaizumi’s exhausted panting as he walked on, struggling to avoid the branches stretching across the trail in hopes to trip him. Why did the world seem to turn against him? When did it decide he wasn’t worth it’s protection?

Iwaizumi stopped at the log and set Oikawa down, his breathing heavy and labored. He took a moment to catch his breath, and Oikawa blinked away tears, swallowing. The bark was rough against his palms, longing to draw blood. The looming trees didn’t seem protective anymore. The sky seemed to be laughing at them.

“Stop crying, it’ll be okay.” Iwaizumi said, his voice gruff and raspy. His face was red and his neck was flushed, and Oikawa felt guilty for making the other boy carry him. But what else could they do? Oikawa couldn’t walk on his own.

After they rested for a moment, Iwaizumi picked Oikawa back up, his arms straining. Oikawa gritted his teeth and the two kept going.

After what felt like agonizing hours, Oikawa could see houses hiding between the trees. They walked into a small village, and Iwaizumi stepped into his house. It was modest, smaller than Oikawa’s room, and it lay on the outskirts of the town.

“Mom, come help me! My friend is hurt!” Iwaizumi called, panic seeping into his voice. A woman with blonde hair and tired brown eyes rushed toward them. The moment she turned to Oikawa, she froze.

Terror glinted in her pupils, and Oikawa felt a knot twisting in his stomach. Why did she look so afraid of him? He needed her help!

She took a wary step backwards, her face twisting into an ugly snarl. Grabbing a sword that conveniently lay next to the wall, her whisper sent chills through Oikawa’s spine.

“Hajime, come over here. Leave him on the ground.”

“Huh?”

“Do as I say, Hajime!” Iwaizumi turned to him, eyes wide and frightened. Slowly, he slid Oikawa off his back and scurried over to his mother, leaving him on the cold, hard floor. The ceiling seemed to swirl before his eyes, and his breath came quickly. What was going on? Why was she looking at him like he was some kind of… monster?

“What are you doing here?” Iwaizumi’s mothers’ voice came out firm and cruel, laced with venom. Oikawa let out a sob, wiping his eyes.

“I- I twisted my knee-”

“What are you doing here?!” Oikawa jumped, his heart accelerating. She looked so angry, why was she so angry? He didn’t do anything wrong, did he?

“Mom, stop yelling! He needs your help!” Iwaizumi’s voice came out small, terrified. Oikawa had never seen Iwaizumi look so scared.

“Go to your room. I’ll explain this all to you later. Then maybe you can tell me why you brought the fucking demon prince into Southpass!” Iwaizumi’s eyes widened, and he turned to Oikawa, his jaw dropping, a betrayed look flashing across his face.

Oikawa’s heart splintered, the pieces cutting into his chest, burning like wildfire. He didn’t understand! What did he do?

“I’ll try this again. What the fuck are you doing here?!” Oikawa’s lower lips trembled violently, and tears spilled from his eyes.

“I was adventuring in the forest when I fell into a ditch and twisted my knee. I can’t walk on it and I need help-”

“Bullshit!” she yelled, pointing the sword at him. The tip gleamed in the light, flickering and dancing in Oikawa’s eyes. He choked out a whimper and crawled backward, he knee protesting bitterly. Iwaizumi turned and ran to his room, looking over his shoulder in terror.

“Are you trying to get information on Southpass? Are you here to fight us all single handedly? Are your demon friends hiding in the trees, waiting to jump out and ambush us?” She spat, wet droplets of saliva landing on his boot. Oikawa shook his head wildly, unsure of why anyone would do any of those evil things.

“I’m not trying to hurt anyone! I just want to fix my knee!” Iwaizumi’s mother stomped forward, nose wrinkled, and brought back her foot. She kicked Oikawa’s leg. He howled, scrambling backwards as tendrils of fire shot through his nerves.

He started sobbing into his hands, tears leaking from the cracks between his fingers. Iwaizumi’s mother showed no pity, only stepped closer, still holding him at the end of her sword.

“Stand up.”

“I can’t!” he choked, ratched sobs clawing their way out of his chest. He cowered under her powerful gaze, flinching at the lightning that sparked in her irises. Stormy rain clouds swirled and boomed in her inky pupils, electric and wild.

“Stand! Stop acting and stand! I know you aren’t hurt. You can’t trick me.”

“I’m not trying to trick anyone! I just need help.” She growled, grip tightening on her sword. Malice glimmered in her eyes, brighter than the sky above their heads, angrier than the sun that rose and fell between the horizons.

“Up.” Oikawa placed his hands firmly on the ground, his wrists trembling as he strained to lift himself off the ground. He tried to put weight on his leg, pressing it down against the ground. Pain sliced through his flesh, and he squealed, falling down onto his back as he clutched at his knee.

Her gruff voice cut through the air with the violence of a bludgeon.

“Get up! Get the fuck up! You're not fooling anyone!” Oikawa sobbed. It was twisted and loud, rough around the edges. His head pounded from the amount of tears shed in the last hour, and his vision starting to swim.

Why did she hate him so much? Why did she think he was here to hurt her? Why wasn’t she helping him? Why was she looking at him like he could attack at any moment, turn on her in a second? Why was she frightened? All Oikawa could come up with were questions.

His breath came quicker, and his fingers were trembling violently, as if being pulled by invisible strings. His knee burned like it was laying in a flaming inferno, and the mix of pain and anxiety made an ugly combination that dimmed the sun and brought darkness and fear to the edges of his vision.

“It- it hurts-” She growled, eyes glittering with frustration and fear and something in between, pupils dilating as she stomped towards him.

As she brought the hilt of the sword down on his knee, the world gave way, crumbling to black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy!

A pounding heart and a seething burn brought Oikawa back to his senses. He blinked his sticky eyes once, twice, and looked around. Where was he?

Panic filled his stomach and dread nipped at his throat. The waning moon gave him little light through the trees, and he wondered how long he had been out.

His head hurt like hell. It was pulsing a labored heartbeat, a dagger digging into his skull with every pound. Oikawa could hear his throat rasping every time he inhaled, and his breathing was heavy, labored. His knee was still sprawled out in front of him.

The skin on his back was electrified with a stinging, biting sensation.

Trembling, Oikawa brought his hand to the back of his shirt, feeling the damp cloth beneath his palms. When he pulled his fingers away, they were wet with a sticky, red liquid.

It only then clicked that Oikawa was sitting in a pool of his own blood.

Horrified, a cry escaped his throat, disconnected and animalistic. What had they done to him? Why was he bleeding? He started crying again, his voice scratchy and hoarse. He was lost in the middle of the woods, injured and bleeding, with no clue how to get back home.

And the betrayal that consumed his heart was venomous, the poisonous bite flowing through his bloodstream until every inch of him was filled with hurt. He was only six years old. What had he done to become so hated? Why did Iwaizumi abandon him?

He thought they were friends.

Footsteps approached him, and he flinched, bringing his gaze up to face the stranger who was drawing near. A castle guard peered down at him, a small plume of relief fighting into his guarded eyes.

After assessing the damage, he gathered up the trembling, broken boy in his arms and carried him back to the castle. Oikawa let his head fall back, squeezing his eyes shut just to see the cruel light shed by the rueful moon dissipate into black.

They made their way back to the palace grounds, and Oikawa could make out dark, shrouded figures wandering around, searching under bushes and trees, their gazes prying, mildly concerned.

The rest of the night was a blur. Oikawa’s mind swam through worried expressions and horrified gasps, his brain only focusing on the sizzling pain that bore into his knee and back, burrowing deeper and deeper into the crevices of his blood tainted skin.

He felt dead on his feet, staring blankly at the walls while his maids drew him a bath, his head shutting down to run overtime while the medics rubbed a stinging paste on his wounds. His nerves were on fire, the pain and shock of the situation too deep and scalding, he couldn’t see through the haze of the smoke and flickering tongues of flame that licked from his skin.

It was disorienting. Oikawa couldn’t think through the pain, he couldn’t feel through the shock. His brain was disconnected from his body. There was only betrayal, there was only hurt, there was only agony. All sense of comfort or joy was gone. Just the darkness consuming his mind from the inside out, crumbling his walls from all around him.

When morning came, Oikawa couldn’t recall if he had slept that night. He shifted from beneath his covers, his body aching and crying out with pain. Was he awake or was he fighting through a nightmare? This pain had to come from his imagination. It couldn’t be real. It shouldn’t be possible to hurt this much.

But Oikawa didn’t think his mind was twisted enough to create the anguish that he was stewing in. Could the world be so dark, even with the sun hanging in the sky? Or was the light it was shedding just another form of torment and misery, no different from the inky black heart of the Earth? Was light just another version of dark? Was everything just colored in different shades of bad?

What kind of world rejected a six year old?

He was just a boy.

Slowly, Oikawa climbed out of bed, his nerves screaming in throbbing agony as his shaking feet touched down on the cold floor. He limped over to the mirror, his ringed eyes fixing onto the figure that reflected back at him.

The medics hadn’t bothered to put his shirt back on him, and he could feel the bandages that stretched across his back. Straining to see them, he twisted his torso, trying in vain to glance at his spine. A deep red stained the cotton, and he flinched, his lower lip starting to tremble. Why did she hurt him?

He dug his nails underneath the bandage and pulled it from his skin, wincing as stars danced before him in a bright, mocking show. Gritting his teeth, he ripped it from his back, a muted cry resonating from his closed lips. Bracing himself, Oikawa turned, ready to take in the carnage of his once-pure skin, ready to see what Iwaizumi’s mother had done to him.

The cuts were jagged and deep, with the intent to harm him to the best of their power. The bleeding gashes were torn into his skin viciously, laughing at him with cruel distaste. Hate and malice reverberated into Oikawa’s skull, dizzying him endlessly. The wounds were formed into twisted letters.

Four words.

Four gruesome, wicked words.

Four words that crawled through his veins and stopped his heart altogether.

Four words that sent Oikawa’s world crashing down around him, crumbling through his fingers and slipping out of his grip, leaving him with nothing but a dark, inky black sky with no moon and no sun and no stars.

Down with the prince.

They had carved a death wish into his back.

With a knife made of burning rage and pure, white-hot hatred, they had carved a fucking death wish into his back.

Hot tears slipped down his cheeks, his breath catching dangerously in his throat. Oikawa choked out a sob, covering his mouth with a violently trembling hand. What had he done to make them hate him? What had he done to make them wish for his end, even though his life had only begun six years ago?

He was so young. What could have caused this burning fury, this smoldering hate, this raging inferno?

An imaginary knot tied around his core, squeezing tight, too tight. So tight it would cut off his air and slice through his skin. It wasn’t really there. But he could still feel it, wrapped around his stomach, bringing panic to the surface of his head.

He had to bear this bloody, horrific message on his skin where everyone could see, where he would never forget. The cuts were deep enough to scar for years and years to come. The shock was deep enough to scar for a lifetime.

Just then, the door opened meekly, a timid maid peeking her head through. She flinched and scurried over to him, her eyes alight with pain and fear. Oikawa felt his lip tremble as tears dripped from his chin, glittering with the rueful pain that stabbed through his chest.

“No Tooru, you need to keep the bandages on… or it won’t heal correctly…” Her voice trailed off, giving way to pity. She plastered the gauze back over his skin, and he could feel the worry and fear radiate from her every move. When she finished the job, she stepped away, turning back to him with sympathetic eyes.

“The King wishes to see you.” A jolt of dread flooded through Oikawa, and he felt his red, watery eyes widen. He almost never saw his dad. When he did, it was usually when they passed by each other in the halls. An itch on his palm and a tightening of the invisible string around his stomach whispered the dreadful storm this could bring.

Shame falling over his head, Oikawa slowly walked through his door and down the hall, his knee burning like the pits of hell, his anxiety twisting itself into loops inside his veins. His father was going to yell at him, wasn’t he? This was all his fault. He shouldn’t have dared to venture away from the castle grounds… he shouldn’t have tried to make a friend… he brought this on himself. Happiness seemed to be reserved for everyone but the Demon Prince.

Because that was what he was, wasn’t it? The Demon Prince. A nameless title, the predecessor for the throne. Individuality was for those without a namesake, those without a kingdom. He wasn’t Oikawa Tooru. That title was never really his. It didn’t belong to him. Nobody spoke of him as just another boy, only as a prince.

He felt alone. He felt lonely. He felt alone in his loneliness.

Was the misery ever going to stop gnawing at his heart, or would it keep chewing, keep devouring until it consumed him whole?

He entered his father’s room, hanging his head in terrified regret. He could feel the King’s gaze on his neck, and his skin went hot.

“Your Majesty wished to see me?” His voice trembled, squeaking from his throat in an octave that was reserved for dog whistles and falcon calling. The King beckoned to him with a single slender finger, and meekly, he stepped over.

“Do you know why I called you?” His words were smooth and impenetrable, sending shivers down Oikawa’s spine. He shrugged in silent answer.

“Acknowledge my question with words.”

“Maybe, Your Majesty.” A low cackle reverberated from the King’s throat, and Oikawa felt his breath come quickly, his eyes widening.

“Just maybe, hm?” Oikawa gulped, biting his trembling lip as adrenaline rushed through his body.

“I- I don’t want to make assumptions, Your Majesty. But I think I have an idea of why you called me here.” The king stepped over to him, a cold hand resting on his shoulder as he narrowed his thin, red eyes, mouth twisting into a cruel frown.

“Would you have left the castle grounds if you had known that it would result in a death threat slashed into your skin?” Oikawa blinked his eyes quickly, his chin trembling. Why couldn’t this be some sick, twisted nightmare? Why couldn’t he wake up?

“No, Your Majesty.” His voice was filled with regret and bitter tears, his words caked with thick emotion. Air hissed from the King’s teeth, warm on Oikawa’s flushed neck.

“Do you know what you got yourself into?” Oikawa bit his lip, looking down at his feet in shame. Silence hung in the air, solid and raw. The King made an exasperated noise under his breath, his eyes glittering with black stars that shone inky darkness.

“Because you felt the need to leave the palace, the village that you went to is getting angry. They think that we sent you out to hurt them. We’re at risk of an uprise, Tooru, and you’re the cause. How does that make you feel?” Hot tears boiled in Oikawa’s eyes, and his lower lip trembled violently, his throat starting to close up. The string was so tight, it was so tight, it was so fucking tight. All he could focus on was how it quickened his breathing and squeezed his stomach.

“How does that make you feel, Tooru?!” Oikawa flinched, slumping down, hoping that if he contracted into himself enough, he would disappear off the face of the Earth.

“Bad, Your Majesty.”

“And it should! You’ve complicated so many things, Tooru. So many things. I’m disappointed in you. I thought you knew better. But now you have an ugly back, a knee that will never heal correctly, and a taste of what being hated is like. Was it worth it?” Oikawa’s heart dropped to his feet, and air flew out of his stomach. Dread nipped at his ankles and fogged his head, his heart pounding.

“It- it won’t heal?” The King let out an ugly, dark laugh, throwing his head back as his eyes shone with malice. Oikawa balled up his hands, nails biting his palms.

“Of course it won’t heal! There wasn’t enough magic in the universe to fix that wretched thing. This is what you get, this is your penalty. You broke the rules and now you have a faulty leg. Let me ask you again. Was it worth it?”

Oikawa felt tears slip down his cheeks, sobs ripping their way out of his chest with sharp, wretched claws. The pain that resonated in his chest tore his heart in two and shattered his hope.

“No, Your Majesty.” he cried, snot running from his nose, blending with the sticky tears. The King sneered down at him, his face contorting into a disgusted grimace.

“Stop crying and be an adult. You caused this, you deal with the consequences.” Be an adult? He was only six. He was many years from being an adult.

He didn’t know that his actions would deal him these cards. He wasn’t thinking about what could happen because of his decision to have fun outside of the castle. He wasn’t thinking in general.

And oh boy, did he regret not thinking.

Iwaizumi’s betrayed face flashed in his mind, his mother’s terrified, angry eyes burned into his memories. Why did they look at him like that? Why was it so bad to be the Demon Prince? Why did they hate him because of it?

All his life, he had thought he was the hero that he read about in his comic books, the valiant savior of the citizens in his kingdom. He was only just starting to realize that he was never the hero. He was the villain.

“Your Majesty, are demons evil?” The King turned to him, a dark scowl drawn on his face, pupils stormy and electrified. His heart shuddered to a stop. He already knew the answer. It was written in his father’s eyes.

“It depends who you’re talking to. Run along, I have work I need to do.”

And the door was slammed in front of Oikawa’s face, locking his cruel fate into place.

There was nowhere to run.

Nowhere to escape to.

Nowhere to go.

And Oikawa was trapped in his own body, in his own mind, locked in with his own agonizing thoughts and wishes. There was no light in his head. There was no sun, there was no moon. There were no stars.

And there never would be.

He was destined to be evil and corrupt, a detested ruler that would lead his subjects to tenebrosity. He would be merciless. He would be bitter. He would be hated.

The sun wasn’t made to shine down on his skin. He understood that now. The dark midnight accepted him with open arms, leading him to the bleak land of betrayal and shadows. And even though he left him to the desperate, grasping hands of the bitter darkness, he missed his best friend, his only friend that he ever had.

He missed Iwaizumi.

Hanging his head, Oikawa walked back to his room, shock reverberating in his hollow chest, shining in his empty eyes. How was he supposed to react to the fact that the world was against him, that he was the bad guy? That he was destined to be evil? That not even the sun was on his side?

It felt like his world had been flipped upside down. He had no one. Not his father. Not his future subjects that he had once thought would be on his side. Not Iwaizumi. Not even himself.

How was he supposed to trust himself if he didn’t know who he really was? Wicked blood ran in his veins and the throne he had inherited was corrupt. His horns, his teeth, his nails, everything that Iwaizumi had pointed out showed the person he was supposed to become.

He was a demon. Not just any demon. The Demon Prince. And that left no room for individuality. It left no room for a good, pure heart.

Anguished, Oikawa looked down at his fingertips, the inky black of his nails consuming him whole. He rubbed at his nails viciously, trying to wipe off any sign of nefarious heritage. It didn’t work, of course it didn’t work. Like his horns and his teeth, his nails were just another part of him, not something he could rub off or strip away.

But the sight of them injected a burning poison into his veins, quickening his breathing and speeding up his pulse, hate and pain and everything in between flooding his mind until all he could think of was how to get them away from him, how would he get them away from him, this wasn’t right and it never would be.

He grasped a pair of nail clippers in his hand, slicing the darkness away from his skin until there were only small stubs of black left on his hand.

And that would have to be good enough. That was the best he could hope for. Because no matter what he did, he couldn’t run away from who he was. No matter how much he hoped or wished or dreamed, he couldn’t run away from himself.

All he wanted was to run away from himself.

He didn’t feel like himself in his own body anymore.

The death threat on his back burned into his brain, scalding and scorching his thoughts if they got too near, tainting them with panic and ruin.

Down with the prince.

Although he didn’t realize it at the time, Oikawa hoped they got what they wished for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This was a really dramatic chapter, so I hope you liked it. I may not be posting these chapters as quickly as I posted this one because I had this one already written. I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/flattykawadooru


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you kazooted and robin_dawn for beta reading my story!!!!

The sky was dark, even during the day. The sun had set for the last time, and Oikawa was left wandering around in the eternal darkness, no flashlight to guide him. His eyes were empty now, all of his old joy and mirth gone, dissolving along with the flickering sun.

Even after all these years, Oikawa was still hurting.

Even after all these years, Oikawa was still alone.

He didn’t fight as the darkness took over his head, overthrowing hope, overthrowing joy, overthrowing the starlit skies in his eyes. The darkness invaded. And everything else was driven away.

The little boy who didn’t know what it meant to be the Demon Prince died that day, stranded in a ditch with a twisted leg and no place to call home. Oikawa had been forced to accept the cruel voices in his head and the ruthless beating of the wind in his ears. He had been forced to accept contorted secrets and pitiless truths that had been whispered into his unready mind. He had been forced to accept this vicious thing called life, whether he wanted it or not.

Sometimes he just wanted to wither away.

But it didn’t really matter what he wanted.

He was the Demon Prince. Too much was expected of him, too much depended on him for him to disappear.

So Oikawa was stranded in an unkind world that had no intention of helping him through the morbid and dismal labyrinth that had trapped him within its sadistic walls.

And, even in the midst of darkness, time had pushed on. Oikawa was sixteen now. He had grown, mentally and physically. Even though the world wanted to stop, even though the sky had grown dark, even though Oikawa had become bitter, time had still kept it all going.

After the last day of light, Oikawa was submissive and despondent, following the King’s orders and obeying the world’s torment with a bowed head. He had trained for hours on end, battling to reach the top of his class in sword fighting and magic. He was proficient with both sorcery and his weapon, a fearsome enemy to come across on the battlefield.

He had changed into the Demon Prince everyone had thought he was from the beginning.

It didn’t matter that this wasn’t what he wanted; the cruel sky didn’t care, the vicious world didn’t care.

He had kept his kingdom waiting.

They were ready for the future King, not a depressed Prince who wanted nothing to do with them.

Sighing, Oikawa sat up in his bed, bones searing with an ache that resonated deep in their cores. He rubbed his dark eyes, his hands rough against his skin. Every morning, a dull, throbbing feeling in his chest, cried out in disappointment that the days were still long and the sun was still dim. The string had only grown tighter and tighter each day.

There was no hope left.

Oikawa wished that there could be a trace of joy still laying in his hollow chest, but it had all been left to drown in the boiling tears that had been shed over the years.

Instead of hope, there was a sinking weight in his chest, always sinking, eternally sinking.

Instead of joy, there was an invisible string, wrapping around his core with the intent to hurt him as much as it possibly could.

Instead of innocence, there were scars on his back and marks running up and down his arms.

How was Oikawa supposed to survive in a world that would ban and brand a six year old, a world that would take the heat of the sun and sear it into a child’s mind, a world that would leave nobody with hope? How was Oikawa supposed to get by when he was left with empty eyes and an ever tightening string?

Oikawa got out of bed, the carpet hungry for warmth against his bare feet. He brushed his hair, pulled on his clothes, and set a barrier in his eyes, in his mind. He walked to class.

Oikawa allowed his mind to wander as the teacher droned on, his eyes half-lidded and bored. Lessons were the same every day; dull, uninteresting, and easy. There was no need for him to pay attention. He would ace his assignments whether he paid attention or not.

Class was giving nothing to Oikawa. He was much more advanced than the rest of the students. He knew offensive and defensive magic and was better at sword fighting than most of the castle knights. Having more free time than most, as he was cooped up in his room most of the time he spent out of class, he treaded farther ahead in his textbooks than the other students, absorbing as much information he could at every opportunity. His bed frame was scratched and dented from constant wear and tear by his blade, which was his seventh in the past year, due to the others breaking from perpetual use.

But the endless amount of training brought no joy to him. He was unhappy, endlessly unhappy, always and forever unhappy. The only thing that brought him any pleasure were the flickering stars that danced outside of his window, happy like he never could be.

He would suffer through the day until stars peeked through the clouds, the sky dimming and falling as the sun slowly died behind the mountaintops. Then he could see the stars. Then he could observe the meaning of joy from a distance, knowing that if he got too near, it would crumble under his touch.

Observing was the only thing Oikawa could do.

The bags under his eyes grew, the dark circles forever expanding as he spent his nights gazing out of his window, guard finally down, longing drawn on his face as he traced constellations onto the glass.

Sometimes he wished on the shooting stars that blazed through the sky, illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. That was on nights when he couldn’t hold in his pain, couldn’t hide his tears behind the mask that he wore. When the broken shards of his heart bubbled from his eyes and dripped from his chin, when the words carved into his back would sear into his brain like white-hot metal, when the string was too tight, he would wish for someone to save him, for it all to end.

Because he couldn’t keep going like this.

Usually, though, he would look as the stars burned past, knowing that their magic wasn’t for him. He would watch, eyes dimming, a small, sad smile sketched onto his lips as they fell from the sky, going down in a fiery inferno of forgotten wishes and broken hope.

Shooting stars were bitter, shining tears streaking through the dark sky. They retained morbid secrets that only they could hold, but they couldn’t really keep them, the severe truths too much and too sharp. The strain and struggle sent them rocketing down, down, down toward the Earth, imploding into flickering tongues of flame before they reached the surface.

And, as they were falling to their demise, the world closed its eyes and made a wish.

Shooting stars had no happy ending. They were tragedies, each one failing and falling, nothing enough to save them.

And, in a way, Oikawa saw himself plummeting down with them.

The bell rang, snapping him out of his head. The day went on, as all days do. Oikawa found himself distracted, the thin wailing that echoed from deep in the chambers of his heart too loud to concentrate. He was shaken, thrown off balance. But he had to keep his face guarded and apathetic, like it always was.

He couldn’t let anyone know that he had been rattled by a nightmare.

That was too pathetic, too human. He needed to look invincible. He needed to be invincible.

But the memories still crowded his head, refusing to be forgotten or pushed away. He couldn’t let go of the moment his walls crumbled, the time when he knew that he couldn’t go back. Oikawa’s brain wouldn’t let him forget the hushed whisper from the castle guard, telling him that his only friend had turned his back on him and vowed to kill him for what he had done.

But what had he done? Play outside and try to make a friend?

Iwaizumi had trained to become a knight for the sole purpose of claiming Oikawa’s head.

Even if he tried to forget, all of his nightmares made him remember. They shouted at him, telling him to remember his one and only friend, his one and only enemy, the person that he longed to see despite it all. He shook his head quickly, trying to knock the images from his head.

Oikawa made his way back to his room, closing the door silently behind him. He let out a breath of air, and his chest ached as if he had been holding it in all day. He let the apathy fall from his face, fatigue swarming onto his features, warping them with lines of stress and exhaustion.

He could feel the moon’s gaze on his back, and he turned to the glass, resting his chin on the windowsill. The stars were bright above the forest, sending streams of light down onto the treetops and glittering like it was their last night to shine.

It was almost certainly not the stars’ last chance to hang in the sky, glistening and glowing to give off a final show of light before falling from the heights of the universe in the show of fire and a wish. Oikawa always saw endings, even when they weren’t there. Maybe it was because he had the perpetual concern that every day could be his.

Maybe the stars were so bright because they thought every night could be their last.

Oikawa looked down at his hands, eyes soft. The stress was piling, and Oikawa had no outlet. He had no place to breathe. No matter where he went, expectations awaited him. The entire world had expectations for him. There was nowhere for him to exhale, to calm his nerves, to let go of the touch of cruel reality and float away in hopes of reaching the stars.

Even his room was piled with anxiety and fear. Too much had happened in this room for him to calm down in it. And anyone could walk in at any given moment, and he wouldn’t be safe to let his guard down completely.

The only safe place was the night sky, and even that went away when the sun rose.

Oikawa longed for a time of joy and hope, a time of excitement and adventure and innocence. A time where he had a friend to play with. A time when the trees hovered over him protectively, shielding him from all the hate that tried to stab down at him. A time when there was no string to wrap around his core and remind of what he was, who he was.

A time where he didn’t know what it meant to be Oikawa Tooru.

But that time was gone, and he was never going to get it back.

Oikawa’s eyes drooped, and he watched as the glow of the stars was diminished and crumbled into darkness behind his eyelids.

Maybe his dreams wouldn’t bring him any peace.

But weren’t his nightmares better than reality?

And the horrors that awaited in his subconscious lept, grabbing him with their merciless claws. Oikawa dreamt through his memories, and when he awoke, tears were spilling down his cheeks.

Pathetic.

Tear-stained and bitter, Oikawa stepped out of his bed and got ready, his fingers trembling as he tugged his clothes over his head. Did every morning have to start like this? Was he really that pitiful?

His stomach twisted in response.

Oikawa made his way down the hall, his brain still fogged with the haunting terrors that loomed behind his dark eyes. He shook his wrists, trying to shoulder away the touch of sleep that still hovered over his head as a rancid dream. It was no use, it never was. Memories were still there during the day, even when his nightmares shrank back at the touch of the rays of the sun.

He arrived in his classroom and sat down, and the day inevitably began.

It was a day like any other, typical and uneventful. So why did he feel the string tightening around his core with every passing second?

Maybe it was just one of those days. Those days when Oikawa wanted to clutch at his hair in anger, knuckles turning white. Those days when Oikawa wanted to scream at the universe for being unfair, for hating him before he even existed. Those days when Oikawa wanted to cry until there were no tears left, those days when Oikawa wanted to place a curse on each star in the sky for having everything he didn’t.

Maybe it was just one of those days when Oikawa wanted to end it all.

The string only pulled tighter, and his throat stung. Everything was bubbling up in his chest, and if Oikawa opened his mouth, it was sure to spill out. It was terrifying, being so close to the edge, and Oikawa knew that backing away was no easy feat. He needed somewhere to go, someone to talk to.

He needed help before he let it all out and lost everything that he had left.

Oikawa placed his head in his hands, fighting back the stinging tears, nervous that anyone could see how broken he was behind his shell of apathetic confidence. He didn’t know why he was so broken today, he didn’t know why he was so pathetic today, he didn’t know why it hurt so much. Why did it hurt so much?

Anger never stayed, it quickly dissolved into anguish and mourning. His heart wasn’t made for fury just like it wasn’t made for joy; it only had room for grief in it’s aching chambers. It filled up with his tears quickly, drowning before any other emotion had time to squeeze itself in. Sorrow had taken over, and nothing else was allowed to stay.

Sadness was dangerous. It wormed into Oikawa’s brain and stayed, tainting everything the dark shades of gray. It was unpredictable; leaving him indifferent and glacial at one moment before driving him into madness and biting tears the next. No matter how many times Oikawa tried to beat it away, it battled back and won. Nothing could escape it’s wrath.

He needed a breath of fresh air. His mind was starting to glaze over, and his heart rate accelerated as the walls closed in on him. He needed to get away from this castle, he needed to get away from himself. Oikawa needed to leave. It was all getting to be too much, and Oikawa knew that if he didn’t do something fast, he was going to burst.

He needed to find somewhere to let it all go, to let the misery seep from his pores before it exploded from his chest where everyone could see. He wished he had somebody to help him through this, to hold his hand and guide him through the treacherous terrain of misery until he was able to escape on his own. But he was utterly alone, and that part hurt the most.

The bell rang, sending Oikawa down the spiraling stairs, making his way to exit the castle. He strode towards the gardens, his heart pounding, crying to be set free. He turned to enter, but to his dismay, his seat was taken by two maids giggling to one another, too close to just be friends. The happiness and joy that glinted in their eyes sent a wave of jealousy through his mind, which was starting to cloud with panic. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes.

Heart pounding, Oikawa spun on his heel, head spinning madly. The ground was reaching up to greet him, and the corners of his vision were blurring, the colors of the sky bleeding together. His mouth was twisting down into a frown, his eyes were stinging, and he was going to cry, oh god he was going to cry.

The forest waved at him with its merry branches, the green leaves bright and welcoming, urging him forward. Warily, he eyed the woods, his heart pounding like it was trying to rip itself out of his chest. It smiled back.

Then the longing hit, the hopeless yearning that made home in his chest awakening. He wanted to feel the breeze again, he wanted to have the sun shine on his skin like it used to. He wanted the leaves to dance around his hair and brush against his horns, he wanted to feel free.

Oikawa wanted what his life used to be.

So he ran from the castle and into the trees.

Tears fell from his eyes and onto his pale cheeks, all the pent up frustration and sadness erupting from his throat in choked sobs. He bit his lip, his sharp teeth digging into his flesh, tongue tainted with the metallic taste of blood. Oikawa kept going, his feet following the same path that they had used to years before.

As he entered the clearing, gaze fixating on the withering log that he had sat on once-upon-a-time, a wave of nostalgia flooded through him, leaving him gasping and crying as he collapsed onto it, face hidden in his hands as his heart clutched onto memories from so long ago.

Why did everything have to flip upside down? Why did everything have to change?

But of course the problem wasn’t that things changed, it was that they didn’t. Demons had always been evil, and he had always been hated. The problem was that he realized it, and it ruined his life.

All the forest could do was let him cry.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Oikawa froze, his hands going rigid. Fuck.

He had been caught.

“Stand up, put your hands in the air!” The order was gruff and low, anger seeping from the venomous words. Oikawa wiped his eyes, knowing he looked like shit, and stood, heart pounding. Eyes wide and scared, he brought his gaze to the person standing before him.

Oikawa almost couldn’t recognize the man behind his armor.

“Shit.” he whispered, taking a slow step back.

His world crumbled around him.

“Speak up!” Iwaizumi barked, eyes flaring with anger. He drove his sword closer to Oikawa, daring him to take another step back.

Iwaizumi.

He had changed over the years. He was much tanner now, and Oikawa would guess that he had spent long periods of time training out in the sun. His muscles were… a sight to behold. He could see them through the cloth when the armor cut off on certain places, and Oikawa felt his face redden. His eyes were seething with an enraged glow, danger glinting in his pupils. He looked furious.

He had never seen anyone as angry as Iwaizumi was now.

The woods dropped its cheerful mask and leered at him, the howl of the wind battering the branches. The string squeezed around Oikawa’s stomach, anxiety festering in his core. His heart stuttered at the sight of Iwaizumi, and he forced his trembling lips to stay still, to freeze underneath Iwaizumi’s glare.

Slowly, he raised his arms into the air, furiously trying to beat away the expression of pure horror that made home in his eyes. He shouldn’t have come back. Nothing good ever came of this place, he should have realized by now.

Did he really make the same mistake twice?

“What are you doing here?! Answer my question!” he snarled, his lip curling with anger and disgust. Oikawa narrowed his eyes, struggling to wipe away any sign of tears and a broken boy who strained to put his pieces back in place. He took in a deep breath, staying silent.

Annoyance flashed through Iwaizumi, and he took another step forward, his sword still extended. Oikawa took a startled step back.

“Why. Are. You. Here?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Fuck. His mouth ran on it’s own in panic, and he had a feeling that he wasn’t helping his cause of keeping his head on his shoulders. Iwaizumi visibly tensed, his eyes narrowing.

“Drop your weapons.”

“I don’t have any.” Distrust clouded Iwaizumi’s face, and his eyes darkened.

“Bullshit.” The clouds swirled above them, casting shadows onto their lined faces, a stark contrast of darkness against Oikawa’s pale skin. His stomach clenched at the memory of a woman towering over him, eyes crazed with the touch of lightning, yelling, voice strained and sharp, telling him that he wouldn’t have a chance against the world. Bullshit. Nothing he said was true, nothing he said would fool her.

Oikawa let out a short puff of air, his chest locking in place. The tears were still fighting to come, the panic was still pricking at his fingers. He shook his head slightly, lips pushing together.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Iwaizumi clenched his jaw, his eyes reserved and unreadable. Oikawa took another step back, and Iwaizumi didn’t follow him.

“Tell me why you decided it would be a good idea to show your face around here. Tell me why you decided it would be a good idea to come back after what you did.” What he did? What did he do? Twist his knee?

A wave of shame washed over Oikawa, pushing down his throat and choking him with his own bitter regret. Iwaizumi was right. He shouldn’t have come back. What was he thinking?

“Fucking answer me! I’m tired of this silent game that you’re playing!” Oikawa flinched, bringing his gaze back to Iwaizumi.

“Would you believe me if I said that I was just looking for a place to be alone?” Iwaizumi scoffed, annoyance glinting in his eyes.

“Of course not.”

“Then I have nothing to tell you.” Iwaizumi’s sword wavered, his hand unsure and unsteady. Oikawa looked away, narrowing his eyes as a pained frown tugged at his lips. He could feel Iwaizumi steaming.

“Tell me the truth!” Iwaizumi yelled, his voice echoing among the trees and mountains with a hostility that pierced through the sky in its electric fury. Oikawa winced, tears building behind his eyes as the animosity seeped into his skin and carried him away in it’s sound.

Silence strung between them, seeming larger than words and greater than the space that lay beneath them. Oikawa stood, cringing to himself, trying desperately to fight back the tears that collected and stung at the back of his eyes. When Iwaizumi yelled at him, all he could hear was the anger and betrayal. All he could see was his father, Iwaizumi’s mother, the future that hung in the air just to bite at Oikawa’s back in the form of scarred words.

Oikawa’s voice fought out of his throat, forming words on his reluctant lips. It was soft, sad, touched with the feeling of giving up.

“I did.” He brought his eyes up to the trees, the painted sky folding behind the leaves and sending shadows dancing down onto the ground. He eventually turned back to Iwaizumi, his face cold and dismal. He took another step back, and Iwaizumi didn’t follow. Disappointment swelled in his chest, and Oikawa pushed it down. Why did he want Iwaizumi to follow him? If he did, Oikawa might not live to see the next day.

“Put your sword down, I’m just leaving. You won’t have to worry about me coming back here. You were right; I shouldn’t have shown my face. Sorry.” Iwaizumi faltered, confusion drawn in his eyes with the intensity of the sky.

“Were you crying?” His stomach twisted, the invisible string looping around his core. He narrowed his eyes, the corners of his mouth twisting down into reluctant scowl.

“What’s it to you?”

“It’s just that you aren’t a very intimidating Demon Prince, that’s all.” Oikawa clenched his jaw, his heart hammering in his chest. He took another step back.

“I can be very intimidating.”

“Why were you crying?” Oikawa darkened, his pulse pounding in his reddening ears like a drum. He tilted his chin up and kept his eyes focused on Iwaizumi’s face, hoping to look threatening. Iwaizumi didn’t flinch.

“It doesn’t matter to you. I already told you I was leaving, you should be relieved. The more questions you have, the longer I stay.” Iwaizumi glowered at him, eyes flashing with a streak of lightning that prickled at Oikawa’s skin and set the hair on his arms on end. He stepped forward, and Oikawa flinched. Iwaizumi was a storm, and he was marching right towards him.

Iwaizumi grasped his shirt in his fist, rumpling the fabric and pulling Oikawa forward. He jerked Oikawa’s face close to his, and his eyes widened. He could feel Iwaizumi’s breath tickling his eyelashes, warm against his cheeks. They were so close.

“Look, I could disconnect your head from your neck if I wanted to. I have my sword right here. So why don’t you answer my question before I decide to make use of it?” His words were soft and scary, and Oikawa shivered, chills running down his spine at the sound of Iwaizumi’s voice.

“Holy fuck, fine! I was on the brink of a panic attack so I was releasing some steam, that’s all. There’s no need to get hasty.” Iwaizumi growled, low and rough, pushing away from Oikawa, seemingly unsatisfied with the answer. Oikawa shrank into himself slightly, glaring at the ground.

“Why the fuck would you have a panic attack?”

“Let’s go into my life story, why don’t we?” Oikawa snapped, resting his hands on his hips. He turned away from Iwaizumi, exhaling angrily, his breath billowing in front of him in a resentful cloud. Why did Iwaizumi have so many questions? Didn’t he want to kill him?

“Sorry if I’m a little confused; I just saw the fucking Demon Prince throwing himself a pity party.” Oikawa bristled, anger growing in his stomach and seeping from his eyes, the clouds shying away from his irritability. He clenched his fists, his long nails digging into his palms.

“Apologies for wanting to get some stress off my back for once!” he barked, his back going rigid. “Isn’t someone allowed to cry from once in a while?”

“You’re the Demon Prince! What do you have to cry about?” Oikawa let out an incredulous laugh, a wide smile spreading across his face. He shook his head slowly, blinking twice.

“Don’t even get me started on things to cry about. You have no idea, no fucking idea. Once you live in a world that’s hated you since before you’ve given it a chance to see who you really are, you can talk to me about things to cry about. But until that happens, be happy about how lucky you are. Some of us don’t get the chance to live a life free of burdens and pain. Some of us were hated from the moment we were born.” Iwaizumi flinched back, his eyes wide and stunned. The wind paused, and for a moment, time seemed to stop. Iwaizumi struggled for words.

“You tried to attack my village!”

“I was six years old. Do you really think I wanted to hurt anyone? Don’t be naive. I just needed a friend.” Oikawa shook his head, the anger dissipating into the air, leaving him with weary exhaustion. He sighed, feeling the weight of the world rest on his shoulders. Iwaizumi blinked, his lips pulling apart to shape his mouth into a small, surprised ‘o’.

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter. Sorry for getting angry and yelling at you; I should probably be going now-”

“You can’t just leave after that! What you said makes no sense!” A wave of anxiety rushed through Oikawa, pooling in his chest and making it difficult to breathe.

“Well, I’m not going to stay and talk about what I said; I wasn’t supposed to say that in the first place.” Iwaizumi crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. Oikawa shrank into himself slightly, turning away.

“Then what were you supposed to say?”

“I wasn’t even supposed to be here. I definitely wasn’t supposed to say something to you.” Iwaizumi tilted his head, confusion radiating from him in annoyed waves. Oikawa sighed and frowned at the ground, his eyes hooded and dark. His stomach twisted, remembering that if someone found out that he had snuck away from the castle, he could say goodbye to his head.

And the invisible string pulled tight around his core as he realized that Iwaizumi finding him could mean his death.

A small, sad smile played on Oikawa’s mouth, his teeth winking in the waning light. A thick cloud of fog grasped his throat, choking him, beating away any words that might he might try to salvage from his aching lungs. Iwaizumi waited patiently for the liberation.

“Look, my life isn’t something that I can easily explain in an hour, not that I even have an hour to explain. I shouldn’t be here, and I apologize that I wasted your time. If you would let me leave in peace and forget that I was ever here,” Something twisted in Oikawa’s heart, but he continued with a grimace. “Then I would be very grateful. I promise that I won’t come back, and you won’t have to worry about ever seeing me ever again.”

Silence thickened the air, rigid and electrified with tension. Oikawa pressed his lips together tightly, bringing his gaze down to his feet. Iwaizumi opened his mouth to reply before hesitating, his reservoir of words running dry. He blinked slowly before shaking his head, a steely look in his eye.

“I don’t think you understand. You don’t have a choice. There’s no reason for me to trust you, and there’s no reason for me to let you go. I want you to tell me why you’re here, what you’re hiding from me, and why you were crying. If that’s too hard for you, fine. We have all night. I can wait.” A glacial claw ran down his spine, and his face morphed in outrage. Iwaizumi crossed his arms.

“Let me leave. If I stay here, I’m in some deep shit.”

“All more the reason to hurry up and answer my questions.” Oikawa pressed his lips together tightly, creasing his brow in indignation. He clenched his fists in frustration, cursing the trees for luring him with a false mask of safety.

“Fine. But if you find my replies satisfactory, let me leave in peace. Don’t tell anyone that I was ever here.” Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes, the stormy depths of his pupils clouding over and casting a shadow down onto the tops of his cheeks.

“Deal.”

“Okay. But before we get started, put that fucking sword down. I’m not going to hurt you.” Iwaizumi cast a skeptical look at Oikawa before setting down his weapon carefully. A wave of relief rushed through Oikawa, nipping and tingling at his fingertips with the force of the tide.

“There.”

“Ok, ask away.” Iwaizumi placed his hands on his hips and shifted his feet, sending tiny clouds of dust up into the air.

“Ok, first off, why did you come here?” Oikawa lowered his gaze down to the ground.

“I already answered this question.”

“Answer again.” Oikawa exhaled a long, warm breath of air that tickled the tips of his mouth. Iwaizumi could be asking questions that he didn’t already know, and they would be able to get a lot farther. Maybe he would be able to get back to the castle by the time the sun ascended into the sky and blurred away the stars. It was stupid, but Oikawa wasn’t going to argue.

“I came back because I was stressed. All of my anxiety had been piling up all day, and it was about to burst. I wanted to go to the garden for peace and quiet, but two of the maids seemed to be taking a break there, and there’s no way I could burst in front of anyone. That would contradict the image that I’ve been trying to set up for myself, and I would lose everything that I have left. So I went into the woods and looked for a place where I could let off some of my steam without completely ruining my reputation. And then you showed up, so all of my efforts were for nothing.” Iwaizumi blinked, but Oikawa stayed stoic and unflinching.

He never told anyone anything about himself. At least, nothing that was true. He didn’t know why he decided to change that now, but it felt good to let a little bit of it loose. Even if the person who he was talking to was his sworn enemy.

Even if the person who he was talking to about it could definitely use the information against him.

Even if telling him could mean the end.

“Next question? Or do you have anything to say?” Oikawa’s voice came out smooth and rippling, the sound cool as a fresh spring on a heated summer day. If he pretended like this didn’t bother him, maybe Iwaizumi wouldn’t be able to see how terrified he was of him.

“Next question. Why were you stressed out to the point of needing to escape?” Oikawa raised an eyebrow, folding his arms before his chest.

“Wow, we sure are getting personal, aren’t we?”

“Just answer the fucking question.”

“It’s a long story.”

“We have all night.” Oikawa felt bitterness rise in his throat, burning a path along his tongue. The wind pounded in his ears, growing excited for his response. Like everything else, the wind just wanted to see him waste away in the end.

“Ok. Where do I start? The abandonment as a child from the only person who I ever considered a friend because of the title that was chosen for me long before I was born? The horror of realizing that I was never wanted or loved, just hated because of what I stood for? The empty sadness that eats me up from the inside when I see that I never had a chance at life, that it was always going to be cut short, that the universe was rooting for my death since the beginning? Or the bitterness of having to fight for the side that I despise more than anything?” Iwaizumi flinched, eyes wide and frightened, glimmering with the confusion and horror that collected in the clouds.

Who gave Iwaizumi’s eyes’ rights to steal from the sky?

“What the fuck.”

“You asked for an answer, and I gave it to you. Next question?” Iwaizumi opened his mouth in objection.

“No. I don’t believe you. You aren’t telling me the truth.” His voice was angry but his eyes were desperate, windows into his begging soul, hoping for a different answer, hoping that Oikawa didn’t mean what he said. Why did he look so scared? It wasn’t him who had to push through the shaded days and looming shadows.

Why was he so scared when he didn’t even have a scar on his back?

“Why would I lie? That would keep me here longer. All I want to do is leave.” But looking into Iwaizumi’s clouded features, Oikawa felt his heart whisper in his ears, longing to stay with the other boy.

But Iwaizumi wanted to kill him, and staying here would be dangerous.

Proof that his heart never led him down the right path, proof that his heart was as untrustworthy as the sky and the sun and the stars.

Iwaizumi dipped his head, clenching his fists, still and stoic as the looming mountains that rose and peaked in the distance.

“Fine. Leave.” Oikawa flinched, his stomach twisting. He tucked his hair behind his ears with his long, black nails, tickling his skin lightly.

“Huh?”

“Leave. But I want to meet up with you again. I still have questions that you need to answer.” Oikawa’s jaw dropped, tipping his chin so that it reached out to touch his throat, eyes staying on the knight.

“How do you know that I’ll come back?”

“Because I could still tell everyone that you were here. I could still tell everyone why you were here. It would be unwise to avoid meeting me again.” Oikawa nodded quickly, frightfully, taking a surprised step back. Rough bark from the tree behind him scratched at his skin with its ugly claws, and he moved forwards in shock.

“Okay. When will we meet again?”

“The same time in two days. Don’t be late.”

I won’t.” Oikawa promised, bowing down low, letting his horns tilt his head with their weight. He straightened up, meeting Iwaizumi’s startled gaze. He nodded slightly before turning away and bounding into the forest, his heart thudding like it hadn’t beat in years.

And as he ran back to the castle, through the trees, the sky gazed down at him, content with the company of the winking, cloud cloaked stars, smiling slightly as the breeze brushed past.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fic, I worked hard on it! If you would like to read some more of my stuff, want recommend a fic, or maybe just want to chit-chat, here's the link to my shared account on Tumblr (I would be Mod Oikawa): https://www.tumblr.com/blog/flattykawadooru   
> If you enjoyed this, feel free to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you guys! Thanks for reading!


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